The Inkwell
Some sights cant be explained
Some skies seem sweeter when speckled with rain
Some clouds look brighter when rimmed by rays
Some moments are so holy they summon the sensation of Sundays
I was above the clouds only a few nights ago
Yet the sight of skylight is so different from right below
The hallowed space in my mind that I try to go
Looks alot like space —full of light, and life, delight and hope
✌️💛☀️
The last time I was in my Chrysalis, I had affirmations tacked to every inch of the room. No bit of the ceiling or adjoining walls were empty. All available space was a reminder for me to be as exquisite as I could possibly be. Before I left for California, each one had to be taken down, and there wasn’t enough space for me to take every single coaster so I narrowed it down to the 200 most influential ones.
I’ve been back for a few weeks now and I haven’t put a single old one back up. But i just tacked my first affirmation to a barren space above my piano.
It reads: “I Will be the Greatest I Can Be”
The process of ingesting an affirmation into my soul goes a bit like this: Something inspires a resonant truth to rise from the depths of me, I assess the statement, alter it contextually, I write it down in marker on the back of a paper coaster, I tack it to the wall, I stare at it for a few minutes, it stays up for an indeterminate amount of time, and then like the anchoring of a rapidly growing seed the belief is cemented into my mind. At each stage, my understanding of the phrase deepens, but there is true beauty in this process.
I just tacked it to the wall, so I’m at the end of the initial experience, and from it, I’ve gained a sense of valiant determination. I WILL be the Greatest I can be. From it, I’ve gained a sense of pride and strength, I will be the GREATEST I can be. From it, I have gained vision and insight into the intention of my Higher Self, I WILL BE THE GREATEST I CAN BE!
I am excited to see how else this beautiful belief will blossom.
✌️💛☀️
It’s hard to describe what this sensation is. It’s an amalgamation of many emotions. I am joyful because I wish joy on others. I express the bliss I want others to feel for themselves and it’s because I want THEM to feel it, I FEEL IT.
I have returned to my Chrysalis and it was in this place that the greatest parts of me were formed. I left it, in search of a new future, not knowing that my sacred space was what I desired all along. A place for me to dwell in. Were my contemplation can’t be disturbed. I desired a headquarters all along, but it took me leaving that space for me to realize what it was.
It was an arena.
It was a dojo.
It was a crucible.
It was a playground.
It was a resting place.
It was a cocoon.
It was my Chrysalis and I believed I prematurely wished it to crack. I believed that the growth I had attained was enough, and I grew complacent. It wasn’t until I returned that I realized I wasn’t anywhere near ready for flight.
But that was ok!
This place of growth is a humble hole, one in which I will find a place to plant myself, and reach as high and stretch as wide as I can.
Today was a day of unrivaled liberation!
✌️💛☀️
I think of theories more than I think of most things and at this point in my life, I accept them as the norm. The puzzle of life can be solved in so many ways and, somehow, along the way I developed an insatiable urge to understand Life and its inner workings.
One such inner working is the Creation Cycle. I’ve known myself to begin many things but finish far fewer of them. But many of those thousand things deserve to be seen and known. However, it is up to me and me alone to complete the cycle.
Creation is where it all began. It is the birthing of an idea, the spark that ignites and illuminates the infinite void within. This thing is far too precious to remain hidden so by whatever means available, you carve that idea into this physical realm. The unfortunate part is that the beginning is not enough. This pupa must transform and move from being ground-bound to being sky priority.
In this pupa phase, though, exists infinite potential easily unlocked with focus. To exploit these potentialities, allow them all to swarm you. Brace and hold on through the cacophony of ideas. And if your mind is the opposite, then stay ready to grab the stray one that may wander by.
All great things began here in this phase.
Contemplate. Create your next Masterpiece.
✌️💛☀️
What has no hands yet holds the fate of your life in its fingers?
I once thought that man was the apex of Creation, but it is not Man, it is Mind. All things were first born as thoughts, and a thought can only be held in Mind. Thought is not matter, yet it uses matter to form itself. Thought itself is invisible, but uses the visible to give itself form. With an open mind, all of the world is at your disposal.
However, openness of mind is not enough to conquer the crucible of existence. One’s strength and resilience must be tested again and again, because all of life exists in a cycle. Passing a test once is not proof of knowledge, rather, it is a snapshot of one’s awareness at a given point in time. My daily lessons with the language app DuoLingo, reminds me that the basics must be revisited time and again for the simple purpose of remembrance. If one can pass a test again and again, it proves, by experience, the strength and awareness that has been retained throughout prior tests. But aside from conjugations and foreign greetings, there are other tests that I undergo on a daily basis and that are the battle of my will.
It wasn’t until I was alone at night —every other occupant collapsed and recuperating— that I was able to sit with my thoughts and act with no concern to the others around. It was in that silent space, amid midnight urges, that I discovered the essence of Will. Like Thought, it is invisible to the eye, but unlike Thought, it cannot be seen. Instead it is felt, like the invisible Instinct and Intuition. I found that Will is the sensation of choice, and the more Noticeable Will is, the more difficult the present decision. Easy decisions take little Will to be made, so the great comfort of lethargy comes from its avoidance of the Will. But when desires are warded away and constructive activity is undergone, the Will required is apparent and rumored to be exhaustible. I choose, with my Will, to disagree and declare my infinite Will to be valiant and endless. I must simply heed to its gentle nudges and follow the path of least resistance. I must allow myself to live a life of relative ease, so that my expulsion of energy can be sharp and focused when I so desire to Will my way through frustrations and hesitations.
That which has no fingers yet holds one’s fate is merely control over one’s mind and its array of fascinating faculties. I implore all who read this to train the Finite until it becomes Infinite.
✌️💛☀️
So much is going on around us, unseen, unsaid.
So many blurry objects, and muddled sounds filling the silence.
What is around us composes our reality. We are energy beings and since everything is energy, everything has an impact. It’s a part of the field in which we exist. All sights, scents, sounds, tastes, and tactile sensations are the building blocks to our life.
Since it is so influential to the version of life we experience, we should do our best to control it or, at the very least, do what we can to control ourselves within an unwanted atmosphere. There is no atmosphere that is under your complete control aside from your own mind. The internal atmosphere is entirely up to the wielder.
This is only the beginning though. I believe atmosphere has many more components I have yet to understand. Perhaps an inquiry into the art of Feng Shui is in order. Come back soon!
✌️💛🌟
So many find it difficult to fall in line with the pathway up before then because they’re still holding on. To them Free Will, is the grip on one’s own destiny. But it is essential that they consider the possibility that the GREATEST path for them to take is the one they can’t see, the one that weaves all impossible things into the realm of the possible. The goal is to discover true gratitude for life to the point where you Must express your appreciation. By finding and tapping into whatever creative vein runs through you, the unbelievable potential contained within the infinite you can be realized.
For more than 3 years, I’ve been journaling my life and it has honestly been one of the greatest ideas I’ve ever had. It has its own degree of tedium to it —each entry taking about 23 minutes average to write— but when returning to times long forgotten, the words I sacrificed my time to write can still conjure the details of the day.
I’ve decided to start sharing them as a way to allow the world at large a peek into the mind I’ve made. I add to it every day, and even consider these online entries apart of my personal canon. In them, I explore aspects of existence that bewilder or amaze me. I scour the expanse of my infinite mind and seek the wisdom that comes from within. I won’t be posting them in chronological order, but I’ll make sure to include the year that I wrote them to give an accurate point of reference to where I am now.
I am honored to share these thoughts with the world, and I pray that they don’t benefit only me, for the answers I looked for led me to a life of service and unlimited peace, love, and light.
✌️💛🌟
Spending time away from darling Mary J. has brought great perspective to who I am in her absence. And the answer is: not that much different at all during social interaction. Mary played a great part in my solitary life though. When I’m alone, I like the width of the world to extend only to the confines of my body and the occasional ancillary leap to wherever my imagination takes me.
I’ve realized that the ascent has its place. There are valuable thoughts I just wouldn’t have thought when sober and vice versa. And the most valuable part of a person is their thoughts. To now have access to an adjacent but otherwise inaccessible realm of magnificent thoughts is to rob myself of my own experience. This obviously has its limits to only this medicinal leaf, but as taboo as the act is, especially in my family, I have come to the profound realization that it simply has its place. I am not to be elevated every moment of every day. It is VITAL to have the clarity and lucidity of sobriety, but the influence has its place atleast with me. I can’t say for sure others use it as...developmentally as I do, but I am no longer ashamed of the act. If anything, I find the ceremony of smoking quite cathartic and, honestly, mystifying. Preparing ones own pleasure beforehand to simply partake in a communion with self, to explore the reaches of ones own imagination and curiosity in a rush is just...unmatched to some degree. Pulling the flame deeper into the brown blanket, knocking off the burnt remains, dragging until this moment you prepared has dwindled down to half its size, then a quarter, then the length of an abhorrent insect, and then to sliver that burns the tips of fingers; the whole experience really is quite...poetic. lol.
But today, on my 48th hour away, I realized at work that life and joyous sobriety summons its own exuberance. A “high” some might say. I am unbelievably thankful for this hiatus; I might just need to take more of them.
Some time ago I wrote to myself saying “know the word, know the feeling”. I believe this was the catalyst to my growing obsession with words and their origins. What beautiful things. Each of them little gifts. Displayers of life, of possibility. These...things are so magnificent, so sonic, so sensual. The same sentence in different tongues can sound and feel completely different. Even in the same language, said by different dialects have noticeable variation. These words are like elemental crystals, powered by the mind. The more powerful the mind, the more powerful the word. It gives birth to images more intricate than the word itself. The image of course being worth a thousand more words. How can One word give birth to something comprised of even more words? What a primordial force...to have been in the beginning with God, as God. The primary creative energy, The Word.
✌️💛☀️
To write is to do more than produce words. It is a matter of magic and majesty. To write is to be aligned with the Creator. It is the most Godlike element of ourselves! To write is to pick up castles in a single hand, and send it crashing down like rubble and rain. To write is to hook the imagination with marionette strings, and play with the senses like a ventriloquist. To write is to hypnotize with lines and curves -- to use symbols like spells, bewitching anyone who dare lays their eyes on them. To speak is to write aloud. To think is to write and rewrite one's own mind. Writing is rendering. Writing is not only building the sandcastle, but being both the boy and the bucket. The filler and the filled, the fantasy and the fragile fortress. To write is to sing with your mouth and throat closed. To write is to bend the very fabric of reality. The writer can be the sun, the space between planets, the leaf'd drinkers of light, and the ground that holds those green gifts. To write is to free yourself from the shackles of reality and lend your entire being to the creation of a place all your own.
✌️💛☀️
It would’ve been far more picturesque for me to have blogged every step of my journey to California, but my momentary absence leaves a little space for me to magically convey the adventure. I can tell the story from the end as opposed to within the misty midst.
When I left Georgia, I feared that I’d want to turn back before I reached the Californian border. I had moved away only once to Virginia and it was 15 hours closer to home had I wished to return. I eventually did return from VA, but not for any valiant reason. I anticipated a similar cowardice would creep into my heart and I would be back in GA in a matter of time.
I’ve now been in California for a week, and I have no intention of moving back any time soon. There is FAR too much to see and accomplish on this side of the country before I turn tail.
I won’t give up this time.
Now I wake up to the mountains every morning, and a peace like that isn’t easy to find. I’ll be here until God tells me to leave, and I’m hoping that’s no time soon.
✌️💛☀️
That which is reality exists primarily in the mind. One's knowledge, one's intellect, one's beliefs and habits; they all exist in the mind.
Sensation is a different story. The body is able to perceive so much on both conscious and unconscious levels. It, too, is vital for the personal experience of “reality”. A day that started with a good breakfast, a good run, a good game, feels entirely different from a day started with a sneeze and whooping cough.
I feel like all of these things affect the climate of the mind. And it is ESSENTIAL to understand that the CLIMATE OF THE MIND directly affects the level of satiety, joy, confidence, energy, and passion one delivers to the world.
What you think is what comprises you most. Your thoughts are certainly the most important element of yourself. How could they not be? Thoughts are the beginning of all things. What you think affects what you feel. What you feel affects what you do. And ofcourse you know that what you DO determines everything else in your life.
Care for your climate. It is a matter of life or death.
✌️💛☀️
So, blogging has somehow become one of my favorite things to do. I feel like a dolphin that's just discovered the ocean, a leaf that just discovered the metamorphosis of Autumn, a star that just discovered Earth.
I don't know what it is about words, but they feel like friends. Some I've known longer than others, some I've only just met. Some I can rely on, and are always there when I'm at a loss, but then there are others that only come around when I run into something/someone familiar.
I'm ready to dive into my art, ready to seize my destiny, ready to walk the path that was paved for me. Words are my greatest love, and I plan to travel the world with them. Of all the things I've done and am doing, writing has somehow become my favorite.
✌️💛☀️
I believe that the poems I write are as special as the fruit that have fallen from trees and are born from bushes. They cost nothing but time to make, but provide an encapsulated bliss to anyone willing to ingest them. My poems are designed to be sustenance, something to be savored. I intend to litter this page with them, so pick one up, and feast your eyes whenever time allows.
✌️💛☀️
I never knew how terrifying it could be to write something for everyone to see. To bare my soul, hands gripped on exposed ribs, stretching out the cage of bones like an angry ape. I write with a fear of forever — with a fear that the press of a button can take my words and whisk them out of reach.
I was afraid, but I can’t afford to be any more. I must be fearless in my writing, for it is the fearlessness that forges a Hero.
It's taken far too long for me to start one of these.
I thought I had 100 years, but no-one ever knows. So I'm gonna write like I'm halfway to heaven, like death's bony index is only inches away. I'll write like Armageddon is on its way, and every piece of paper and drop of ink will be dried up and turned to dust.
I'm gonna write like this is all I was destined to do.
✌️💛☀️
It is such an honor to be a writer. A world maker. A deity.
To be a wielder of beginnings is the greatest power I know to exist.
This is a beginning —The beginning.
Welcome to my mind.
My void.
My place of contemplation, imagination, and reverie.
It is an honor to have you here.
✌️💛☀️
